Female Bully Complex


“I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It’s the bully who’s insecure.” – Shay Mitchell

As most of you are very aware of, women will shit test to no end. This is one part of their nature that is a hard-coded survival skill that has been the bane of men for centuries. Now for the most part, this is a subconscious filtering process that is not usually coming from a place of ill-intent. But what happens when it turns malicious? Then you need to treat is as a bully complex…you have to take a stand.


Before we get ahead of ourselves about what to do, first we need to look into some of the root causes. Shit testing seldom starts with malicious intent, so what turns it actively against you? Usually the cause of this is a lack of strong Frame. Women will test their limits with you, especially to see if they can push you and how you react. This is all subconscious and more of a defensive mechanism, so for the most part it’s part of the nature of interacting with them. However, like a shark, once they smell blood, that can trigger a feeding frenzy. Every chink in your armor suddenly becomes a needle to be pressed into you repeatedly, every misstep a punishable offense, any sign of indecisiveness or weakness is added a bullet in the chamber for later.

Many a man has had this happen to him, when he is in a new relationship or an LTR, and things are going well, until seemingly one day out of the blue it starts to turn. Relationships do have their highs and their lows, but you have to trust your gut to sense when the situation is low vs when it’s become toxic and malicious, and that’s when you need to do an abrupt and honest assessment of your Frame in the situation.


Prevention is always the best cause, and like when dealing with a bully, you have to set the tone that you will not be pushed around from the start. Not saying that women are consciously trying to be bullies (though some are), their inherit nature shares a few things in common with them in the sense that they will shit test and push boundaries to see how far it can go. That’s why a the repeated theme of Frame is critical. A bully on the school yard has absolute Frame (and this is a case of when Frame is used for the wrong intent). The only way to keep that Frame in check is by establishing and holding your own Frame. You can either be a victim or stand up for yourself and show that you won’t be. It’s the same idea with women, you have to keep you Frame in check and show that you won’t be pushed around or falter. You don’t have to be a jerk or asshole about it, because ill-intent breeds more ill-intent. But you do have to be a composed, otherwise you risk the relationship souring into a malicious state.

When any relationship becomes malicious, it’s time to end that relationship, plain and simple. The biggest thing that men fail to realize is that when they are in this position, their Frame has been compromised and they are in a no-win scenario. Usually they focus on protecting their ego and the ego-investments they’ve made in the relationship, but what they are doing is trying to win a battle while the war has already been lost. Like the Art of War states; “Every battle is won before it’s even fought.” In this case, the woman has all the Frame and control and every a man is doing is always in reaction to her.

Even when he “stands up for himself,” since she knows subconsciously that he’s relinquished his Frame to her before, any attempt made on his part to reclaim it and assert dominance is seen as artificial and non-genuine, so she will never take it seriously. In fact, this proposes a challenge for her to see how she can break him down again. This is the point where it is best to cut all ties and move on…The situation is a no-win scenario. At this point it’s like an arm heavily infected with gangrene that is starting to decay: The situation has become toxic and it’s time to cut off the arm to save the body. The best you can hope for is to maintain some Frame and dignity by ending the relationship swiftly and abruptly, with minimal to no explanation like “This isn’t working out for me.” That’s it.

It sounds harsh, but from what I’ve seen friends go through first hand, the alternative which is much, much harsher. Months of back-and-forth arguing, stress, lack of sex and constant worry; all for an outcome that deep down they knew was coming eventually. Staying in this situation also creates conditions that cause women to cheat on their partners. Many times a girl has cheated because she was mad at her current partner and was looking for a way to get back at him. In her mind, she will be completely justified in doing so because the cause of getting her that emotional state was you. And partially she is correct, as a man it is your job to keep your Frame in check, otherwise the situation will get away from you and run completely amok.

The way many men internalize this is that they owe it to the girl or the relationship to “give it an honest try.” And this is another trap of the Blue Pill mindset, the sense of honor or “giving it a fair shot” mentality that does not help you, but in fact imprisons you and keeps you shackled to a sinking ship that is pulling you under the depths.


If the scenario I mentioned above is something you’re currently going through, then I sincerely hope you head my words with caution. As I’ve said many times before, women can be amazing and dynamically wondrous experiences that can add a lot to your life. They can also be soul-draining nightmares that bring stress and misery to your existence. This post is to help you with dealing with the latter. You have to know when to cut your losses and move onto other opportunities. Check your ego at the the door and tell you pride to step aside, because those two things can become tools used to keep you in a toxic situation.

Sinking Boat


6 thoughts on “Female Bully Complex

  1. Frames… one of the most interesting topics in psychology. Good post.

    >> A bully on the school yard has absolute Frame

    True… until you surprise him (her?), and then you see their frame crack. But the most “powerful” folks have impenetrable frames. Take the current President here in the US. Like him/hate him… dude has an incredible frame.

    >> Every chink in your armor suddenly becomes a needle to be pressed into you repeatedly, every misstep a punishable offense, any sign of indecisiveness or weakness is added a bullet in the chamber for later.

    I find this to be very true… that ANY sign of weakness, is exploited. I honestly don’t know how men maintain LTRS without this eventually tearing at their foundations. I’m no fan of tyranny… but the tyrants I know are the only men that never suffer here. Mistakes/weakness aside, they hammer their way through. Fear keeps her in check (not my style, personally). Less tyrannical men… she is keeping score, and will exploit any opportunity.

    I love women. I’ve lived with four. But this seems inevitable.

    Have you read Practical Psychology for the Practical Man? They have a concept called Betatization… which is essentially this shit-test/exploitation mechanism, combined with pleas to “open up emotionally” (which can be seen as a type of shittest itself), that goes on until she has no respect and she leaves.

    This is how she can move onto the next guy… and start the process over again, maybe with a “2nd son” from a 2nd alpha… but the process repeats.

    To make this personal… I’ve seen this in most of my relationships. And I always end them, as I have little interest in the “final act.” But only after the “bullying” picked up to the point where the joy was gone. For both of us. I would end those relationships, and they were always surprised.

    The best solutions I’ve seen are again, Tyranny (which isn’t how I like to play) or a conditional relationship where she always knows that it’s good treatment or good riddance. Keep her away from any sense of “ownership” or entitlement, and it’s harder for her to find the leverage to bully.

    I’m not putting all this on the girl. It’s mostly up to us… to lead, to “surprise her” so she is back on her heels, to be very clever with her doublebinds, etc, and to avoid weakness (share with your buddies, not your girl). But even then… better men than me have succumbed to this kind of “erosion.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Also… LoveSystems has a lesser known instructor named Fader. In some of their “super conference” video footage, you can find Fader giving a talk on Frames. It’s very good. There isn’t much out there from Fader… but I love his Frames talk. I’ve watched it several times.

    If you can track it down… check it out. Good stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    • @Dayofgame.com – That’s a very interesting topic you raise, the one of how long does one stay in it for before it feels laborious and ties need to be cut vs we still feel the thrill and the joy of engaging in the relationship? I think it’s a deeply personal question.

      As for tyranny vs sympathy, I agree that tyranny can be efficient, but it also has it’s own downsides. Somewhere in the middle is that happy medium.Tyranny provides a level of efficiency but sympathy provides a level of connection. Amused Mastery, as Rollo would put it, is the way to go.


  3. Pingback: An “Honest” Try | Alpha Jedi

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