“You can be my wingman anytime” – Ice Man, Top Gun
Sometimes being an Alpha in a situation is not about using your Frame for your own benefit, but sometimes it’s about using it to help others. This post covers just such a situation that happened recently on a night out with a friend.
I was hosting a friend of mine from out of town. He’s a young guy, in his mid twenties and is usually more of the quite and shy type at first, but opens up more once he’s comfortable in a situation. I decide to take him out for a Saturday night of fun and we go to this restaurant and lounge that I frequent in a hip and busy part of town. I like the place because it has a great atmosphere and energy, great food, great drinks, and is close to a lot of other places. It’s also frequented by many beautiful and diverse women, which makes it the prime location for a proper night out.
We get to the venue and go inside for a round of drinks. Since I frequent this place, all of the staff knows me, from the General Manager to the bar-backs, so I’m being greeted and am introducing my friend to them. After hanging out for about 30 minutes, I spot a pair of girls sitting at the end of the bar. One is blonde, with a curvy figure, and the other is a redhead with bright blue eyes and a petite figure. Both girls look to be in their mid thirties, but I know my friend has a thing for older women. I point out the redhead, which is the type of girl he usually goes for and said “I think I found someone you should go meet.” My buddy responded by saying “I’m not sure what the move is,” and so at this point I knew that I would need to take command of the situation.
“Follow my lead,” I told him, as I walked over to the girls. As I was making my way over, someone bumped me so my drink spilled a little onto my hand, so when I got up to the girls I asked if they could pass me a napkin since they where sitting next to them.
“That you for that act of bar-decency,” I said. “The bar is a lawless place and most of the time people just act insane.” Both girls laughed and then I quickly introduced myself and my friend to them. “So what brings you guys out tonight?” I inquired. “Well, we’re out to celebrate my cousin’s birthday,” said the blonde as she pointed to the redhead. “Well happiest of birthdays to you!” I said to the redhead as I gave her an enthusiastic high-five. “How did you guys know to come here?” I asked. “Where were at another bar, but there where no guys so we had heard of this place and came here.”
From there I knew we had a golden scenario. A birthday, which is a reason to celebrate. Check. They had come to this venue specially for guys. Double check. All that was left was to take the reins of the situation.
“You ladies came to the right place,” I said. “We are going to ensure that you have a proper birthday celebration.” I raised my glass and all four of us toasted to the birthday girl. We had some small talk, about what we all did and it urns out the blonde works for a Hollywood agency and the redhead is a college professor. As it turns out, they both had recently moved into the this particular area of town and they were looking to explore it more. They liked the current venue because the redhead leaved about a mile away from it. I asked them if they had been to this other lounge that is close by that I frequent, to which they replied they had hear good things but never had been. “Finish up those drinks, we’re moving out!” I said as I finished my beverage and then called for my tab.
The 2 girls, my friend and myself all made our together to the lounge I had mentioned, and I texted the General Manager there who is a buddy of min that I was en route. I got a “Fo sho playa” response back from the GM and told the ladies that they where going to like this spot a lot. This lounge is a bit of hot spot and sure enough, there was a large line out front as we arrived. I lead the group right up to the front and gave the door guy I know a solid handshake and then a hug to the girl that helps run the door as well. We then strolled right past the line and proceeded to the lounge area. As soon as we got in my buddy who is the GM greeted me and said “It’s a packed night but we have a table set aside for you. Enjoy my man.” The Assistant GM then lead us through the sea of people to a table and we got situated with myself next to the blond facing my friend and the redhead on the other side.
“What just happened?” The redhead asked. “We’re celebrating your birthday, so we are going to do it properly,” I told her. We then ordered some drinks and I made the promise that we would find birthday cake for the birthday girl to ensure the night was flawless. Our drinks arrived and my friend worked his game on the redhead as they got a little more cozy and I chatted up the blonde. After about 15 minutes, I then told the blonde that she should checkout the rest of the lounge and I took her on a tour of the space to give my friend and the redhead some 1 on 1 time.
After the tour of the of the lounge, which deliberately took 20 minutes, we rejoined the table. Once it hit 1 am, I told the group “Time for a field trip,” so we paid our tab then I took us all to a convenience store to look for some type of cake to act as a birthday cake. Since no cake could be found, we grabbed a bunch of peanut butter M&M’s, which is the birthday girl’s favorite candy. I also grabbed a bottle of wine and some matches. I paid for all of the item and then as we walked out of the store I turned to the redhead.
“So we’re going back to your place to continue the celebrations since it’s around the corner? My place is about 20 minutes from here.” She paused for a minute and then said “Ok! I wasn’t planning to have folks over, so I will need to tidy up for a quick minute before anyone comes in.” I smiled and said “Whatever the birthday girl desires.” We made our way to her place, which only took 5 minutes, and then both girls went upstairs to her place to tidy it up. My friend then said “Man, thank you for wingmanning, this has been great!” I turned to him and said “Ok this is how it’s going to go down. We’re going to head up there, have some wine and celebrate for about 30 minutes. Then people are going to get tired, at which point I will take the blonde back to her place and you’ll be good to go.” My friend nodded his head excitedly, and after a few more minutes the girls came back down to let us know we could head in.
We all got up stairs to continue the birthday theme of the evening by finding a few leftover candles and lighting them with the matches I had picked up. We all held glasses of wine and some peanut butter M&M’s while we sang Happy Birthday to the redhead. We then paired off and got settled on the couches and began discussing random topics, from different us cities to movies. Sure enough, after about 1 glass of wine and 30 minutes, the blonde said “I’m starting to get sleepy.” I responded by saying, “Same here, it is pretty late.” I then stood up and said, “We’ll I think I am going to head off,” I then turned to the blonde. “You’re an awesome amount of fun, I’ll give you a lift back to your place so you don’t have to call an Uber.” “Are you sure?” She asked. “Not a big deal,” I replied. “Plus I live in that direction anyway and can hop the freeway back home.” “Ok,” the blonde replied. The redhead then looked at me and asked “What about him?” as she looked at my friend. “No worries,” I said, “I’ll give you to some time. I’ll come back and pick him up after I make sure your friend gets home safely.” Of course, what I was thinking was “I’ll come back and pick him up tomorrow morning,” and I proceeded to say goodbye to the redhead and was quickly followed by the blonde.
The blonde and I then left the redhead and my friend and we proceeded to drive to her place on the other side of town. We got to her street and there was no where to park, so I threw on my hazard lights and prepared to say goodbye to the blonde. The blonde then looked at me and said “I should text my cousin so she knows I got back safe.” Knowing this might cause a potential cock-block, as it might imply that I would be en route back to pick up my friend, responded by leaning in close and then making out with the blonde. After making out and playing with her large breast for a few minutes, I pulled back and said “Sucks there is no parking.” The blonde gave me a naughty look and said, “You can come inside next time.” Sure enough, a week later I would in every sense of the phrase. But that night, she returned home and I jetted back to my pad to get some much earned sleep. The following day I texted my buddy in the morning and picked him up from the redheads place.
This story is a bit of a longer one, but it is full of some key tips and ideas for you to take away.
6. Having venues locked down is a huge plus. Nothing can kill your momentum faster than dealing with hangups at venues, be it trying to get in or trying to grab drinks and find a place to be comfortable. Having a venue that you have locked down not only makes logistics silky smooth but it also enforces your Frame as a high value individual. Like in this example, having the staff know me at the first venue gave me social proof and boosted my status. Then, moving to the next venue, that status and Frame were further reinforced by bypassing the line and then getting a table instantly in a busy place. This also had the added effect of making the transitional logistics smooth and easy, which makes the impression of status high and well as keeps the momentum building and going, rather than hitting a wall.
5. Logistics are half the battle. When I am out and am suggesting other places to checkout, I ensure that they are logistically easy and close to each other. a long travel time can kill your momentum. Doing recon before and during your night is key. Since I frequent the area, I have great knowledge of all venues and their relative proximity to each other. Also, when it came up during the conversation that the redhead lived very close to where we were, that made her place the ideal go-to stop to continue the night once the bars closed.
4. Frame is a powerful tool. In this particular night, I used Frame to be the best wingman I could be. From the initial approach to taking the group from one lounge to the other, then to a convenience store and then back to one of the girl’s houses, that was only made possible because I defined and held the Frame. I used the theme statement of “It’s your birthday, we’re going to celebrate it properly” as the base that Frame operated from and it made for an adventure that everyone else was more than happy to be a part of.
3. Don’t ask. Subtly command. Part of Frame and game is learning to subtly give commands and not go about it by asking in a Beta way. What I mean by this is when I said “Finish up those drinks, we’re moving out!” I was giving the command of “finish your drinks, we are going to relocate to another venue,” rather than asking “Hey do you guys want to go see this other place?” By taking command of the situation I was able to hold Frame and steer the direction of the night. Other cases of this from that night were when I said “Time for a field trip,” and then leading the group to a convenience store, and then once we where done at the store saying to the Redhead “So we’re going back to your place to continue the celebrations since it’s around the corner?” I was dictating how the night was going to go, and then last example of that was near the end when we were hanging at the redhead’s place and I stated to the blonde “You’re an awesome amount of fun, I’ll give you a lift back to your place so you don’t have to call an Uber.” I was telling her not to call an Uber, I will be taking her home. Now there is a fine line, you don’t have to be an asshole in a commanding way, and sometimes you’ll get some push back to subtle commands. That’s fine and comes with the territory. NEVER FORCE ANYONE TO DO SOMETHING THEY DON”T WANT TO DO. I know most of you reading this already know that, but for those of you that might miss my meaning, I am not advocating forcing people into situations without their consent. Commands establish reinforce your Frame in an authentic way and is a great way to test how well people fall into it.
2. Know how to follow the lead. Nothing is more frustrating that doing a lot of setup to get the baton to the next runner and then to have them drop it half a second into you trying to pass it on. My friend did an excellent job of following my lead and playing off of me, so the combination was extremely effective. You can be Alpha and have Frame by following the lead of another person’s strong Frame. This can help establish your own Frame with a particular person or group and makes for an effective 1 – 2 punch. If you’re rolling out with a wingman and you guys can’t play off each other or follow each other’s leads as needed, you success rate is going to plummet, so make sure you both can either take the lead or follow the lead.
1. Have fun. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the outcome that we forget to take a step back and just enjoy the ride. One of the best highlights of the night for me was being able to have a fun time while helping a friend run his game on a girl he was attracted to. But all of us had a really fun time as we took the theme of “proper birthday celebrations” and ran with it. From the first venue to the second then the convenience store and then finally at the redhead’s house, the entire night was a fun time we all participated in. If you focus on having fun, then whether your get laid or not at the end of the night you’ll have a great time regardless. And as a bonus, having that attitude usually gets you laid more.