“Whoever coined the term “absence makes a heart grow fonder,” was an idiot. Absence makes a bitch grow crazy.” – Toni Aleo
I’m not a fan or real believer in long distance relationships. For an LTR, it creates a lot of unnecessary problems and stress. However, if you’re casually dating or have a hook up buddy situation, than the long distance can be a huge plus. For this post, I’ll be touching on a helpful strategy to foster and manage dating from a long(ish) distance.
To start, I will say that for purposes of this strategy, long(ish) distance is anyone that lives 30 or more miles away from you, or usually lives about an hour and half of travel time from you. In the dating scene, distance plays a factor. Usually a good 5-20 mile radius is ideal because that makes logistics much simpler with shorter travel times and convenience of venues located close to your house or their’s. When you get beyond that, you start getting into issues of logistics and time that usually force your hand to find a place that is either in your neighborhood or in hers. So what is a good way to manage this?
For a first date / hang session, I almost always find a venue in her neighborhood and will go pick her up. This allows me to maintain Frame as I am responsible for transportation as well as putting within close proximity to her place if things go very well. Also, unless a girl is making it really clear that she is super into you, it’s much easier to go to her side of town for the first encounter because she’s putting less investment in initially by you coming to her (when a girls lives relatively close to me, I usually do the inverse in that I almost always have them come to me on the first encounter). But this is your chance to show off how awesome you are and to get her to enticed into your Frame. You’re giving her a strong reason to come to your side of town for the next date / hangout. Remember, girls live in a time where they have more access to men than they know what to do with, so you need to give her a worthwhile reason to drive and hour or more in traffic to come see you when she could easily swipe right on a guy that lives 3 blocks away on her phone. Be the man worth the effort and you’ll be surprised by what girls will do to be with you. I once went out with a girl that did not have a car (this was the pre-Uber days) and lived on the other side of town from me and for our second date she took 3 buses and train, in LA, which is not known for it’s efficient public transportation to get to me, she was that into me. I’ve also had another girl that lived an hour away from me have car trouble so she borrowed her aunt’s car to drive to me rather than me driving to her. Be a man worth the effort.
After you’ve shown that you’re a man of value and are worth going the distance for, the second encounter you should have her meet at your place and then you take her out from there. This allows you to bring her into your world and show off your home court advantage with local venues that you know of. Also, you’ll have to end up back at your place, which makes it more convenient for her to spend the night. I’ve dated a lot of girls that lived 30 – 70 miles away from me and this formula works extremely well, especially as once the Frame has been established, usually 8 out 10 dates involve them coming to my side of town in exchange for me going to their side of town 1 or 2 out of 10 times. This is especially effective with girls that are living with roommates or that are living with family. Your world can be an exciting escape from their reality for them.
Another benefit of this arrangement is that if you’re seeing multiple people, it’s easier to schedule them to come see you and you can also schedule multiple dates in the same day with people who live in the same direction. Once I did a “double day” by seeing a girl in Oceanside, which is easily an hour and half outside of Los Angeles in the afternoon and then saw another girl that I hooked up with that night down in San Diego. The logistics worked at very well and made the 120 mile drive down to San Diego very worth while as I was able to make a stop en route for a date in Oceanside, which is 35 miles north of San Diego. Killing 2 birds with 1 stone as they say. Another perk is that you have a drastically reduced chance of bumping into one of your longer distance prospects while out with a local girl, and it helps keep your plates that you’re spinning separate.
I will stress that all of this works based on the fact that you have your Frame in check. If you don’t then you’ll come off as that Beta guy that’s really “nice.” Only having that Alpha swag will make her desire to make the trip. The real question you have to ask is how much effort are you willing to put in. If you don’t want to bother, not to worry, go out and meet more people that are closer to you. But if you have a warm lead and the only thing standing in the way is distance, then this might be a solid option to consider. I have found with long(ish) distance dating, by putting in a little bit more effort upfront I can then have an easier situation that requires an extremely small amount of work to maintain. I do enjoy making the effort on the first encounter, as I usually get to know and scout a new area out for future reference (you never know when it will come in handy). So if you meet someone that you’re into and are trying to figure out out how logistics can work, try this formula out for yourself. It’s especially useful for you guys in towns that are small and far from a lot of action, so you most likely are making a bit of a trek to go beyond the local watering holes anyways. See if your prospects can go the distance.