Hustling The Hustler

Bender

“The thief steals from himself. The swindler swindles himself. For the real price is knowledge and virtue, whereof wealth and credit are signs. These signs, like paper money, may be counterfeited or stolen, but that which they represent, namely, knowledge and virtue, cannot be counterfeited or stolen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes you go out and you have fun. Other times you go out and have an experience that makes for an exceptional night. This story is one of those times. A good friend of mine and I were out at our favorite hot spot in LA. We’ve been going to this place for almost a year now because they have great food, amazing drinks, the perfect atmosphere and the staff is incredible.

We get in, grab some dinner and drinks and are having a merry time. We wanted to have a fun night to cap an already fun weekend, so our energy was high and contagious. Mixed and mingled with several groups of people, bought a few cool girls that where hanging with us drinks (we didn’t expect anything in return and they turned out to be very fun) and even wound up doing shots with the manager and one of our favorite bar tenders.

Toward 1am we go to the bar to close out our tab so we could go to another spot close by with some of the waitresses and girls we had met that night. At the end of the bar was this group of women in their 40’s that were dancing and looked like they where having a good time. As we got the bar tender to get our tab, one of the women came next to me and asked about how to get the bartender’s attention. I replied that I could get it, but that usually involved him just bringing trouble. I asked her what she planned to order as her other friend come over and she told me that she was probably going with some champagne or wine. I told her that I would suggest getting the bar’s specialty cocktail.

Her friend: “So, you buying a round of drink for us?”

Now this tipped my spidey-sense that these ladies, though older, were still trying to run girl game into getting free drinks. I had done a quick scan of their left hands and indeed, they each has large wedding rings on them. I’ll buy a drink under the right conditions, but having a married woman blatantly try to get them from me is not one of them.

Me: “I don’t know you guys that well, so I don’t think so.” I said it in a playful but firm tone. This was a test of Are you Beta? Will you let us exploit you?

The bar tender came over to take their order and the girl I was conversing with ordered 1 glass of champagne and two glasses of wine. When the bar tender asked if they needed anything else, I told them they should try the house cocktail as I closed out my tab. The girl then told the bar tender that she’d try the house cocktail. The bartender come back with 2 of them.

Woman: “We’re going to need a 3rd since there are 3 of us.” The bartender made a third one and brought it over. He then brought out a printed tab, since it had been last call.

Bartender: “Thank you ladies, that will be $50.”

The woman put on a stunned face.

Woman: “These guys should be paying for these.”

Bartender: “I heard you order these.”

She then shot me and my friend a look. At this point we had a choice: Be coerced into paying for drink we did not order, or let her deal with a situation that she created. We looked back at her firmly and unflinchingly to signal that we would not be taken advantage of. In disbelief she turned back to the bartender.

Woman: “Do you know these guys?”

Bartender: “I do. They are stand up guys. If you want I can get security and we can sort this out.”

Woman: “Get the manager.”

At this point my friend an I remained calm at the bar, standing against it relaxed and silent, waiting to see how it all was going to unfold.

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Woman: “These guys ordered drinks for me and they are trying to get out of paying for them.”

Manager: “Well I know these guys, and they are stand up guys, so we’re going to need you to resolve this.”

She looked stunned and shocked, and seemed offended that no one was immediately taking her side.

Woman: “Well I’m not paying for these.”

Manager: “Ok, they we’ll buy them.” He then reached over and took all of the drinks back behind the bar. This infuriated the woman as she turned to my friend and me.

Woman: “You two are the most classless scoundrels I have ever encountered out of any country I have been to.”

Me: “Excellent, I was going for the record.”

My friend waved a bouncer over.

My friend: “Can you please take this away?”

The bouncer came up next to the woman.

Bouncer: “Time to go.”

He then escorted her outside and her friends joined her there.

The 3 Takeaways:

1) Hold Frame

By holding Frame and not relinquishing it, we did not allow this woman to coerce us into paying for her drinks. There have been times in the past when my friend and I would have allowed ourselves to be guilted into paying for drinks like chumps. But by holding Frame we established that we are not some random suckers that will be taken advantage of and we will not part with our hard earn money to pay for someone looking for a free ride.

2) Building venue equity is just as important

From the bartender to the manager to the doorman the message was the same: These are stand up guys (men we respect and value at our establishment) and we know who they are. This claim that she was presenting was out of character for us and as such, the entire venue had our backs. This is a powerful thing, but it’s something you have to earn. We’d been investing and building venue equity in that place for months now and it was awesome to see that good credit in full action.

3) Always approach the night with a fun attitude

I’m sorry (that I’m not sorry) that we ruined this woman’s night, but she certainly wasn’t ruining ours. We went out with the attitude that we’re going to have fun no matter what, and despite this incident, we had a great time and got an entertaining story out of it.

Now go out and have some fun you fellow scoundrels.

Han Solo Shrug.jpg

Female Bully Complex

Nagging

“I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It’s the bully who’s insecure.” – Shay Mitchell

As most of you are very aware of, women will shit test to no end. This is one part of their nature that is a hard-coded survival skill that has been the bane of men for centuries. Now for the most part, this is a subconscious filtering process that is not usually coming from a place of ill-intent. But what happens when it turns malicious? Then you need to treat is as a bully complex…you have to take a stand.

Causes

Before we get ahead of ourselves about what to do, first we need to look into some of the root causes. Shit testing seldom starts with malicious intent, so what turns it actively against you? Usually the cause of this is a lack of strong Frame. Women will test their limits with you, especially to see if they can push you and how you react. This is all subconscious and more of a defensive mechanism, so for the most part it’s part of the nature of interacting with them. However, like a shark, once they smell blood, that can trigger a feeding frenzy. Every chink in your armor suddenly becomes a needle to be pressed into you repeatedly, every misstep a punishable offense, any sign of indecisiveness or weakness is added a bullet in the chamber for later.

Many a man has had this happen to him, when he is in a new relationship or an LTR, and things are going well, until seemingly one day out of the blue it starts to turn. Relationships do have their highs and their lows, but you have to trust your gut to sense when the situation is low vs when it’s become toxic and malicious, and that’s when you need to do an abrupt and honest assessment of your Frame in the situation.

Treatment

Prevention is always the best cause, and like when dealing with a bully, you have to set the tone that you will not be pushed around from the start. Not saying that women are consciously trying to be bullies (though some are), their inherit nature shares a few things in common with them in the sense that they will shit test and push boundaries to see how far it can go. That’s why a the repeated theme of Frame is critical. A bully on the school yard has absolute Frame (and this is a case of when Frame is used for the wrong intent). The only way to keep that Frame in check is by establishing and holding your own Frame. You can either be a victim or stand up for yourself and show that you won’t be. It’s the same idea with women, you have to keep you Frame in check and show that you won’t be pushed around or falter. You don’t have to be a jerk or asshole about it, because ill-intent breeds more ill-intent. But you do have to be a composed, otherwise you risk the relationship souring into a malicious state.

When any relationship becomes malicious, it’s time to end that relationship, plain and simple. The biggest thing that men fail to realize is that when they are in this position, their Frame has been compromised and they are in a no-win scenario. Usually they focus on protecting their ego and the ego-investments they’ve made in the relationship, but what they are doing is trying to win a battle while the war has already been lost. Like the Art of War states; “Every battle is won before it’s even fought.” In this case, the woman has all the Frame and control and every a man is doing is always in reaction to her.

Even when he “stands up for himself,” since she knows subconsciously that he’s relinquished his Frame to her before, any attempt made on his part to reclaim it and assert dominance is seen as artificial and non-genuine, so she will never take it seriously. In fact, this proposes a challenge for her to see how she can break him down again. This is the point where it is best to cut all ties and move on…The situation is a no-win scenario. At this point it’s like an arm heavily infected with gangrene that is starting to decay: The situation has become toxic and it’s time to cut off the arm to save the body. The best you can hope for is to maintain some Frame and dignity by ending the relationship swiftly and abruptly, with minimal to no explanation like “This isn’t working out for me.” That’s it.

It sounds harsh, but from what I’ve seen friends go through first hand, the alternative which is much, much harsher. Months of back-and-forth arguing, stress, lack of sex and constant worry; all for an outcome that deep down they knew was coming eventually. Staying in this situation also creates conditions that cause women to cheat on their partners. Many times a girl has cheated because she was mad at her current partner and was looking for a way to get back at him. In her mind, she will be completely justified in doing so because the cause of getting her that emotional state was you. And partially she is correct, as a man it is your job to keep your Frame in check, otherwise the situation will get away from you and run completely amok.

The way many men internalize this is that they owe it to the girl or the relationship to “give it an honest try.” And this is another trap of the Blue Pill mindset, the sense of honor or “giving it a fair shot” mentality that does not help you, but in fact imprisons you and keeps you shackled to a sinking ship that is pulling you under the depths.

Conclusion

If the scenario I mentioned above is something you’re currently going through, then I sincerely hope you head my words with caution. As I’ve said many times before, women can be amazing and dynamically wondrous experiences that can add a lot to your life. They can also be soul-draining nightmares that bring stress and misery to your existence. This post is to help you with dealing with the latter. You have to know when to cut your losses and move onto other opportunities. Check your ego at the the door and tell you pride to step aside, because those two things can become tools used to keep you in a toxic situation.

Sinking Boat