“Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work. I live by that. You grind hard so you can play hard. At the end of the day, you put all the work in, and eventually it’ll pay off. It could be in a year, it could be in 30 years. Eventually, your hard work will pay off.” – Kevin Hart
One of the often glossed over parts of Game is the Game Grind, which is the process of refining and developing one’s Game. It’s very easy to see folks like Rollo, Goldmund or Christian McQueen and forget that they all had journey’s they started long before any of us ever heard of them. Many will talk about how amazing and easy Game is for them now, but they’ll gloss over all the hard parts of getting to that present point. I myself know this very well.
My background story is pretty funny looking back on it now, but during the time before and just starting to come to awareness it’s pretty wild to see myself now compared to how I was back then. I used to be a Blue Pill as they came, for some of the usual reasons and for some other reasons as well. I’ll detail more about this on a post later, but my father was pretty Blue Pill and we had a lot of tensions and headbutting as my parents went through a divorce when I was a teenager. Determined “not to be just like him” I pushed myself deep into the Blue Pill side of spectrum. I never went White night, but I got pretty close to that point.
I always had a bit of a Red Pill side that would come out in “flashes,” which to my Blue Pill self was too much a reminder of some traits of my Dad I wasn’t fond of at the time, so suppression was my natural way of coping with it. My experiences with women where so Blue Pill dipped I could write a book on it. Writing poems (oh yes, that happened), being the shoulder to cry on, placing the needs of women and telling myself that “I’m a relationship guy” led to a string of disastrous experiences that proved to be extremely fruitless and wasted effort. I had a few successes sprinkled in there, but each time was during a “flash” of my cocky bastard (Red Pill) side.
After some time I began to notice this discrepancy between what I was saying and thinking vs what actually worked when it came to women. Noticing this, I began experimenting more and more with what was working, and them came across rather simultaneously Rollo Tomassi and Christian McQueen’s blogs. From there is was game over as I fully dove into the Red Pill and rapidly absorbed as much as I could. Over the next 4 years, I’m at the point that I am at today which is light years ahead of where I was.
That’s a high-level view of my story, but the bigger point I want to make is that every man has to start somewhere in his journey and if you’re just starting our or decades in, you still have to grind and refine your game. Starting out getting a phone number was a huge deal and maybe getting a kiss was the highlight of my month. Fast forward after many years of trial, error, learning and refinement, I can get a one night stand or same day bang while doubling the contacts in my phone book. I’m not trying to brag or stoke my ego by saying how great I am. What I’m getting at is that where I am today is the result of many years of grinding and learning after being frustrated with where I was. And like many of you, it’s going back on memory lane is funny now, despite the fact that it was a nightmare to experience back then.
One of the biggest things that gave me the shock to the system I needed was losing my virginity to my “dream girl.” I was raised pretty religiously so it I was 26 when I lost my virginity, though I had done everything up to that point but stick it in. I’d gotten blowjobs, finger-banged girls and played with boobs before then, so I had some experience, but I always stopped myself before going too far. But when I was 26 I finally hooked up with this girl that I had met when i was 25 and I had thought she was so special and unique, all of which where complete pedestal-level views of who she really was, which I saw a little bit too but overlooked because I saw the potential of the situation. Fast forward a year later when she’s out my house and basically just giving it away, when I was having sex with her I experienced one of the most empty experiences I’ve ever had, and the kicker is part of me knew that’s how it would be going in. I may detail the experience in a later post, because it’s a story almost too crazy to believe (I’ll just say it was really spiritual in a good and bad way).
After that experience it was another year before I had sex again, but the second time was a much different scenario and mental place, and I give this experience the credit for my desire to learn that sent me on my Red Pill Quest. I was at a club to celebrate a birthday of a friend of mine that I had known for a few years. She and I had a mutual friend so we’d hung out a quite a few times over the years but I always just thought of her as a friend, even though she was a pretty cute, tall blonde that had some of the same interests as me. Anyways, it was her birthday and she was wearing a sexy lack dress and so we went out on the dance floor. While dancing with her I had a thought of “I bet I could make out with her right now” that popped into my head, and so I went with it and we started making out. We eventually wound up back at her friend’s place since she lived on the other side of town but he lived in West Hollywood, which was close to the club, since she already made arrangements to crash at his place.
Her friend (a guy), her and me get back to his place and he has a small 1 bed room apartment. after 5 minutes of conversation, this guy pulls one of the greatest moves in bro-code history and says “We’ll I’m tried so I’m going to pass out.” He then “passes out” on his couch in the living room. I take the birthday girl into his bedroom, shut the door, toss her on the bed, and proceed to have some great birthday sex until the following morning. That expedience was made possible by following my budding Red Pill instinct as well as a little Bang-It-Forward help from her friend, but that’s where the journey started for me.
If you think it was all flowers, roses, and quick bangs you’d be terribly mistaken. The following years were filled with missed opportunities, bad Blue Pill habits that sabotaged me and flat out hardcore rejections from many girls. But I persisted on and now I’m at a point where my Red Pill knowledge and Game are in harmony. But am I resting on my laurels? Hell no. Why? Because there’s always something to learn and there’s always room to improve. Even today I get rejected, learn a new technique and find new experiences I hadn’t had before (Like going on a date to place that turned out to be a swingers club). The grind continues but I find joy in it because it makes me better and as helped me to help others. Yes, there are some nights where I am on fire and can do no wrong. And then there are nights where I am off and literally cannot buy a phone number. No matter how good you get you will never be 100% all the time. But by keeping the grind going, you can improve your consistency to get it as high as you can and you can see how far you have come along in your journey when you look back. I’ll always be grateful to the Rep Pill for giving me the tool set and vision to understand the nature of relationships, which has given me the freedom to navigate them in a way that I determine. And I’m also grateful for my Blue Pill experiences, because they’ve kept me humbled as I progress along my Red Pill path.
So whether you are just starting out or are well season-veteran, always remember that there is a grind involved in the processes. It’s not always fun, pretty or happy, but it’s the work that it takes to maximize your potential. and always remember that everyone who you see at the top of their game never started out that way, they had to go through a grind to get there.
Wake up. Grind. Rest. Repeat.